Wednesday, January 9, 2013

It's about time I showed up...

Well 2011/12 rolled right along, absent from blogging but not life, caught up in healing an aging body, I've kept quiet mostly.  Occasional musings, chatings and a few images were posted on FB for family and a few close friends.  Found myself in a most reflective and silent place, multiple setbacks, some movement forward physically...mentally, well you that know me best know best...sanity is intact.

Still dwelling in these four blank bedroom walls more hours then not, my bed comfortable but confining.  Comfort, maintaining a good chin up, a continued bright outlook on life's craziness, all the magic, the gift from  my much better half; life partner; sanity in check by her sustained support/love.  There were a few excursions out into the real world, daylight, our garden, a soccer game, birthday and other parties, even a guitar/music recital.  Some images, poetry and other writing completed.  More design/programming, lots of music and even more meditations; one practice faithfully embraced.

Healing, cross fingers, is near end; for now.  The mechanics of non injuring self mostly drilled into pea brain, all that remains are some equipment upgrades and with all good fortune I'll be up and rolling more than laying about in the semi-horizontal.

Plans...no laughing please...are to be much more faithful to this blogging practice.  For now 'Blogger' will be the platform for immediate expression, designs are in the works for a more complete website look-n-feel.  There will be images; many more with info/technique/equipment/etc., a few more poems; previously published and new.  And an attempt to divulge my experiments, experiences, adaptations, for/in/of  photography and daily disabled living, loving and continued enlightenment and/or silliness.

Additional posts will follow soon, hope all had Happy Holidays and that the New Year will bring us all a bit more peace and good health.  A speshul shout out to the Apparelyzed Gang, I've not forgotten you and will post more in 2013.  Smile a bit more, laugh a bit more, love a bit more...lets do a lot more of all three.  And remember, never surrender...just shoot it!

Seeya soon...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Youth's Luxuries, Aging's Bounty

There are times when a brave face just can't be found.  The day-to-day weighs heavy and escape from a broken yet mended body is not within grasp.  Last night was one of those moments, filled with great despair, pain, tears, everything hurt, everything just hurt.

Is it age, YES!  Is it disability, YES!  Reality, YES...sometimes inescapable!

At these moments it's important to dig deep, feel all the pain, hurt, angst, confront it and burn it off.  Most of the time successful, but when not, memories help ease my transition back to non-tears...and writing it down, seeing it first hand, sets those feelings of hurt, helplessness...free, for a moment.

The result...random prose; scribblings, this time a bit of poetry...usually about a feeling, person; this time it's a place that gave me much joy!

Youth's Luxuries, Aging's Bounty

Walking along this beach last night
Sliver of moon to guide
Sights, aromas once breathed deep
Awake it all seemed so real

Crush of cold winters breath
Jacked up beyond jagged edges
Pristine barrel, washing machine
Sting of sand and sea
My friend the Wedge

Memories held close
Sustain through struggle
As does heartache


Friday, February 25, 2011

What's Next?

An able body lends itself to climbing mountains, sailing oceans, surfing outer swells and beach breaks, as well as the everyday activities we learn as we grow up.  When said body is broken, becomes permanently paralyzed, life drastically changes.  No longer able to care for self, dependent on others for dressing and other inconveniences, it's easy to give up, just quit.  And, finding a place in society, some amount of joy and a love for life is a challenge.

At twenty-one years old, twenty-nine days after that emancipating birthday, a single wave, a shifting sandbar and a fearless body surfer became one.  The result was a life changing, devastating, C4/5/6 spinal cord injury.  Laying face down in the ocean, starring at glowing sand, unable to move, nothing made much sense.  As my mind cleared, survival was my only focus and my surroundings a possible final watery resting place.

There was no panic, no pain and no air.  My lungs burned as they began to collapse, each surreal moment stealing precious seconds of life and my focus.  As time passed it became more difficult to think clearly.  Holding my breath was all I had left, not breathing, living, my soul purpose in life.

By staying calm, concentrating, being fully in the moment and receiving a helping hand or two, life might continue; not end. Those helping hands appeared, I survived and found the breath to ask "What's Next?"  Even tho I had no clue what was wrong or how much my life would change...I was still alive!

As they wheeled me into surgery my father whispered "Never Surrender!"  Near thirty-three years later I've done my best to honor his request.  I haven't surrendered, in fact I live an active, fulfilling life and I'm still asking "What's Next?"  Life doesn't end with paralysis; a broken neck in my case, it just gets much, much more complicated.  In the end, life is what you make it, put into it.  Disability or not, happy or sad, the choice is all ours!

Instead of waves, a wet suit and fins, my creative freedom now flows with wheels, cameras and lenses.  Being able to visualize, compose and shoot, along with a never ending curiosity for life are my creative tools of choice.  As for these still fingers and legs, well, they're just part of my journey.

No matter what life throws in your path, never surrender...just shoot it!   I hope you enjoy my images, ramblings and all the bits in between..  Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!